Cake Day 2026

and how to change the conversation

A few years ago, for many different reasons, we stopped doing video games in our house. But, as you can guess, we are one of the only people we know, especially in the world of high school freshman boys, that do not play video games.

Mostly, this has been fine. My son really loves sports and he’s very disciplined in practicing and teaching himself the skills he wants to know. When he played basketball, he would go outside and practice free throws until he hit 100 of them successfully. Then, this past year, he decided he wanted to try out for soccer so he taught himself the ball skills he needed to make the team (which he did!) and built a soccer goal himself (with a little help with my husband) right in the back yard.

And while it may feel like this post is simply about how great I think my son is, which I dooooo, I am telling you all of this to let you know that he’s had his moments where he wished he was playing video games like his friends, but mostly not.

Until about a month ago.

He came home asking if he would be allowed to please join the rest of the 9th grade boys in playing a video game on the server. (You need to know that I typed these words but never being a video game or computer game person myself, I don’t know if I said it right or what these words actually mean.)

Being Included

When I was a Junior in high school we moved form Arizona to Colorado. A whole new state, a new school, new house, new everything. The first year was rough. I spent the first few weeks of school eating lunch by myself in the bathroom stall, like some sort of 90’s rom com. But it was anything but romantic. I had a hard time making friends for that first year, was alone for the greater part of it, and therefore have a little PTSD about my kids being left out.

I really, really don’t want my kids to be left out. I know I’m not alone in this; no one does. But I think I have an irrational response to it because of my high school experience, and so my gut reaction was to just throw everything we had decided about video games out the window in the name of not being excluded.

But the thing is, is that when we stopped played video games a few years ago we sat and discussed it together. We told him what we were thinking, he said what he was and we came to the decision together. We also have checked in every so often and he voiced many times how much he felt his life had expanded since not playing video games. Once when we were on a run together, he described it like someone had taken off blinders and he felt like he had space to think and talk about creative things again.

And so, we decided we’d approach this question of the video game on the server the same way. We’d sit and talk about it, the why of wanting to play, and if we thought it was a good idea to re-introduce the video games again.

At the end of the day, it wasn’t really about the video games, it was about being a part of something that everyone was in on. The hive mind of it all. The group-think.

And I completely get that.

We agreed together that it wasn’t the right time to re-introduce video games, again for a number of reasons. I watched him the next couple of days, gently asking questions if the server was all anyone asked about, and he said yes it was. He didn’t complain, but I could tell he was bummed.

And of course he was.

It’s not fun to be on the outside, to be left out. And, as I reminded him: there is a big difference of not being able to participate in something than there is in not being invited to participate in something.

The big things

And then one night, when I was on Instagram (I know! the irony!) I saw a post about a guy saying that when he was in high school him and his friends created a buzz about a certain date but kept the reason secret. And then on that date, a few of them brought cake for lunch and it became a yearly tradition.

What my son really wants, is not to play video games. What he wants is what we all wanted at that age, and maybe now, too: to be invited into something exciting that creates some buzz, be a part of the conversation, and have some fun while doing it.

And I realized that in a world where you have your own thoughts and ideas, you have your own ideals and moral and things you think are right, then you have to learn to keep standing in that and then changing the conversation to something you care about. The art of rallying people around a different cause is a learned behavior.

What I am really talking about here are things like equal rights and gun control, like environmental issues and how we never are not a Christian Nation. But when I first became a mother, I read a quote that has stuck with me and I have applied to almost every area of parenting:

If you listen to the little things when they are young, then when they are older they will tell you the big things. Because to them, it’s always been the big things.

And so not only have I done my best to listen to all the little (big) things, but I also know that if I want them to care about their convictions with the big things later in life, then it always starts with the little(r) things. The things that are in their world, because the things of right now are always the big things.

And so, I knew I needed to teach him to change the conversation and to get people to rally around something new. And with that to learn that what other people are into or choose to do is completely fine. They don’t need to stop doing that in order for you to connect with them.

May 19th

So of course, I introduced the idea of Cake Day.

I told him all about the post. I told him he could rally everyone together, that the video game was the most exciting thing, but maybe, they could start talking about something else too.

He was half in for the first week or two of me bringing it up:

“Did you tell others about cake day?”

“No, I forgot.”

etc.

So this went on for a week or two, and then one night at the school art show, I saw his friend. All these Texas kids have such great manners:

“Hi Jim” (His name has been changed here)

“Hello "Miss Bonnie.” ( I’ve asked all the kids to call me ‘Bonnie’ because otherwise I feel like Mrs___ is my mother in law and not me, but because they all have manners they say ‘Miss’ Bonnie and so I now feel like a preschool teacher.)

“Did you hear what is happening on in like 12 or so days?”

And so he went to find my son and ask; and the ball was set into motion. One thing to know about me is that I really believe in some good clean fun, some good-natured rebellion and independence for these kids and so I will always create spaces and opportunities for this to occur.

I am so proud to tell you that over the next three weeks, the ninth grade boys created a huge buzz amongst themselves about Cake Day. My son personally invited every single boy in the 9th grade because what I said about not being invited to things stuck with him.

They got my good friend who works at the school on board to house the cakes until lunch time so that they didn’t melt or go bad in their one hundred degree lockers. They refused to tell any other teacher and definitely not the girls.

“10 days until May 19th” my son said they would say to one another and high five in the halls.

“7 days until May 19th” they whispered to the girls then shrugged with glee.

There were group texts about what cakes people were bringing and what sizes.

Was anyone else’s mom making them bring protein?

Who would bring the plates?

Would a cake server be allowed?

My son opted for a homemade from scratch, New York Times recipe Strawberry Lemonade cake that he made himself. He FaceTimed his friends while he was making it.

The whole thing was so thrilling, I honestly could barely sleep the night before.

I put the idea in his ear, egged him on, but he did the rest. I knew he was excited and I admit I was so afraid no one would bring the cakes.

I waited the whole next day, I texted my friend for an update and finally, when it was time for lunch, she texted me.

The result? Like 15 full-sized cakes in a class of only 25 boys!

The pictures and video revealed that the smiles were huge, the grabbing of cake pieces and shoving them in their mouths in only a way a teenage boy can do was everything.

The tables were lined with cakes and it was a giant party, right there in the middle of the cafeteria. Just on a Tuesday.

He got in the car that afternoon his smile huge and cake completely gone.

“It was epic!” he said. “Not everyone brought one, but everyone ate cake. Even the kids who normally don’t sit with anyone, we all sat together and it was the best.”

He said his cake was devoured very quickly and when I asked if he got a piece of it, he nodded slowly and said with a crooked smile, “I gave myself a very generous portion.”

Cake Day will absolutely be repeated, and they decided, in the fall, they would do a BBQ day. All of them.

xo

B.